LANTERN PORNO FESTIVAL!

The internationally famous "lantern festival" in Hoi An is about to be reduced to the Mr. Corona version Linda Lovelace sings Light My Fire...but that's what makes you perv's read this drivel!  Here's the snag...it's not dark yet!  So, we walked around town and got a few pics that I can show-n-tell...and make up lewd comments to satisfy the most degenerate of you...well, maybe not Nan the giraffe jockey...but she is in a class of her own...wait, I was in that same class...hmmmm...ya, SHE'S GOOD!!!

Hoi An...sounds like HUGE THROBBING MEMBER...it's wishing wells are DEEP HOLES...it's a well you wacko's!

...there is so much DAMPNESS causing this CRACK...for anyone other than Bob, Don, Ted, Tom Luf, Jim, David, Alwyn, Bruce, Fred, Eli, Lee, Keith, Larry, Mike, Murray, Nick, Paul, Roger, Rick, Rajan, and Nan...it's a brick wall with moss on it.

Nan...you remember the giraffe shit shoveller in California...wrote to me and told me that when Mr. Corona writes like this, it turns her into a HOT FLOWING RIVER, similar to this one...

....and she is hoping for a BIG BOAT to pull into her port...just like the one above...hey, I don't (lie) make this stuff up folks!  Nan is ALWAYS asking to be mentioned in the blog...I think I've covered that...what do you think Nan?

...so maybe this isn't the RAGING RIVER OF LOVE you want, but the lanterns aren't lit yet...did I mention I'm getting lit on Chivas?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  Hop Along Corona is BACK IN THE SADDLE!!!!  Where was I...oh ya, Nan...I think the Russians got to her.  Is this a pic of Nan?

...or this?

...nope...Nan was in the running for homecoming Queen!  Nan is one of my most cherished friends...she gave me rides to school when it was raining, and she is sorry she did now!!!  Hey, did I mention we are in Viet F'n Nam?  Oh ya...Hoi An...now what do you think?...Cassandra wants to bring back some silk lanterns...like this...

...and she bought this monkey statue that honors masturbation...after she told me it looked like me...what does she mean by that?

...oh...here's a HUGE THROBBING wall...

...as of now, typhoon may wipe out the lantern festival...thank gawd I got Chivas!  HAHAHAHAHAHA
Yep, just as expected, rained out!  Oh well...better have a drink!