Philippine
Airlines...OOOOOOOOO...business class!...no matter how old you are,
you will feel young in PA's airplanes. On the face this would seem
like a good thing, but you'd be wrong. You feel young because
everything on this airplane is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO OLD!!! Remember the
very first colour tv you saw...the picture was fuzzy, and the colour
was washed out...didn't work half the time, had to adjust the rabbit
ears to get rid of the snow...remember that? Business class is like
a trip back to the 60's, without the benefits of the acid. It seemed
ok when we got on...it was clean...that's the end of the good stuff.
All the overheads were full (I think with flight attendants stuff),
and there is no place to put anything. We pile all our stuff on the
floor at our feet, and sit down...the seat doesn't recline. We have
to move...ok, minor glitch. They always have fairly new movies on
these flights...let's watch a movie. The projector...PROJECTOR?...IS
PROJECTING ONTO THE SCREEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AND I CAN'T MAKE OUT
WHAT'S ON!!! See above and the 60's tv. This is THE worst tv I've
ever seen. I ask the flight attendant if that was the only form of
entertainment...he has to go get the supervisor. Turns out they have
4” LCD screens that pop out of the front of your seat, but sorry,
the reception on that is worse that the projector...most of the
channels are blank. Hmmmmm, well, maybe the food will be
ok...DREAMER! The beef
tenderloin was a little nugget of ummmmm...geriatric, bacon wrapped CRAP...the broccoli was older
than I was, but didn't look more than 90. Better have a drink. Have
you ever known Mr. Corona NOT to finish a drink? This was a first
time for me...couldn't choke down the red wine...maybe I should just
go to sleep...after all, it's 1:30am. I get semi comfortable in my
grudgingly adjustable chair...and wake up at about 3:30am for a
pee...oops, flight attendant beat me to it. Ok...won't be
long....right?...can't be all that long.........right? Try roughly
40 minutes in the can! She must have eaten the bacon. Finally get
in to pee, but have to bump the next flight attendant out of the
way...got to go REALLY bad by then!!! Couldn't get back to sleep,
it's dark, and nothing to watch but a steady stream of flight
attendants going to the bathroom. As far as I can tell, the most
modern thing about this airplane is that it only has one wing on each
side, and no propellers!
Ms C says the
really good thing is that it hasn't been redone, so we are in the old
First Class seats, and they fully recline, or at least ours do. We
essentially got to lie flat, and for her, that's worth the price of
admission.
OK...breakfast
was pretty good...well, average really...but by PA standards, it was
EXCELLENT!!!
Before
You may notice
the clear liquid is missing in the after pic....how do you spell
MARTINI? After the scotch (and nuts) pre-breakfast, I was suitably
warmed up....hey....did I tell ya they keep it roughly 100 f'n
degrees in here....geez, I'm naked as I write this!!! I don't know
what the hell breakfast was, but martini's go good with that shit!
Hey, we land in Mombai...er...Mississauga...er...Manila...one of
those “M” words, in about an hour or 12...this f'n plane is so
old it took us 14 hours to fly 6 miles! We haven't crashed yet...I
don't think...
Amigos, is this
the start we were hoping for? No...but I still have the dentist to
look forward to in Bangkok!
Sounds like, looks like the "tour" is off to a good start?
ReplyDeleteI notice that, in the second picture, your head lying in the dinner plate is missing, where it always ends up after you partake in martoonies, wine and scotch.
ReplyDeleteAHA!I just discovered the problem...those three little lumps in the first photo are, in reality MAGIC MUSHROOMS...therefore we are led to conclude that every thing you reported is causing you to have flashbacks to another time, another place and all are figments of your overly active imagination. You are, in fact in the turnip patch at the farm watching a cow stick its head in your tent.
XXXOOO TO Ms.C
It got worse...when we landed in Manila some weenie gave away my passport in the airport! Mr. and Ms. Corona were not amused. More on that tomorrow.
DeleteI'm SO glad that you're having such a wonderful time! After all, what's a trip without a lovely prelim that gives you a perfect platform for martini induced (or WAS it the mushies?) discussion on the pluses & minuses of the experience. It was lovely to hear that your flight was more fun than mine on Emirates cattle class (tho they stuck me in the window seat next to two women that don't know that humans must occassionally pee - well at least not for 14.5 hours).
ReplyDeleteHugs & smooches from India.
Glad you arrived safe and sound...well...............safe. Yes, PA is a different kind of experience....sort of like the time I drank a bottle of tequila, and lost control of my bowels! Are you blogging yet?...I can add you blog to my site.
DeleteAnother time another place----goats trampling down tents in the Spanish country side, no magic mushrooms just 5 gallons of wine that seemed to do the same thing to a few who thought it wise to replace the safe drinking water with wine of unknown origin. I think that might have been the only time I remember throwing away wine!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year! Glad you wrote...though in my own defense, I thought the wine was MADE out of magic mushrooms! Besides,I think it was Vince or Tom that had the idea to camp where it was soooo flat! And the origin of the wine wasn't in question...didn't we get it from a guy selling it out of the truck of his car? Hope you had a great Christmas, and a special New Year...not the PA special kind either!!!
DeletePseudology is thy name! You didn't lose your passport, you allowed some seven year old kid to filtch it from you whilst you were ogling the local females who may or may not have actually been female!
ReplyDeleteJust remember, I've seen YOU naked...and MAY have pictures...oh wait...that will only encourage you...never mind.
Delete